Sacrifices
by Moonglow gal
Summary: (One-shot) Kikyo is not happy. Would you be, if the man you love stirs feelings of hatred inside you? She has to make a choice. Will she keep fighting for Inuyasha, or should she give up and make do with the times they shared in the past?


Sacrifices  
  
Hey! This songfic is to "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence, which is one of the best songs on the planet. Oh, and the ending is not quite what might be expected. So don't stop reading in disgust (especially Inu/Kik haters).  
  
Oh, by the way, I've included some of the lyrics that the guy sings. They will be in brackets. [lyrics] Like that.  
  
Disclaimer: -speaking into mirror- Okay, you can do this. Just say, "I don't own...don't own...don't..." ARGH!!! -collapses into sobs-  
  
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A young woman with a ponytail of long black hair, wearing a traditional red and white miko's outfit, pushed aside a curtain of ivy, revealing a small but amply spaced cave. She quickly started a fire in the crude hearth. The leaping flames lit up her brown eyes, which would have been beautiful if not for the exhaustion, hatred, and pain they showed.  
  
"Just you wait, Inuyasha. I, Kikyo, will kill you. Someday. Your life is mine." She glared into the blue flames at the heart of the fire before a single tear rolled down her cheek. She sighed, her breath shaky.  
  
'I don't want to kill him. I know I still love him. Why doesn't he understand? The way things used to be...'  
  
How can you see into my eyes  
Like open doors?  
  
'Why won't he understand that I'm sorry? I don't really know why I feel this hatred when I see him. But I just want to be his again.'  
  
Leading you down into my core,  
Where I've become so numb.  
  
Even though I only carry a fragment of my soul...' She put a hand to her heart. 'I still feel it. I feel the pull of love, the need. It's so strong, even with only the ghost of my heart. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm empty.'  
  
Without a soul,  
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold.  
  
'I need you, Inuyasha, to become the woman I used to be.'  
  
Until you find it there and lead  
It back home.  
  
'Only you can do it. Only you can draw out the human side of me once more. You're the only reason why I desire to stay in this torturous living realm. Because you're the only light in my life, the only thing that can cut through the darkness of hatred and betrayal.'  
  
Wake me up inside. Wake me up inside.  
Call my name and save me from the dark.  
  
'I don't belong among the living. I'm still dead to the world, as dead as it is to me. I can't feel, I barely make it day to day. I'm just a clay monster that doesn't belong anywhere.' She looked at her hands in disgust.  
  
Bid my blood to run, before I come undone.  
Save me from the nothing I've become.  
  
'Can't you just see that I still care? If only you'd let go of that...that girl. What does she have that I don't? Please. I don't want to let go of you.'  
  
Now that I know what I'm without,  
You can't just leave me.  
  
She sighed again and lay down on a straw pallet at the back of the cave. 'I still love you, Inuyasha. Love means compromise and sacrifice, but the last thing I want to lose is you.' Her eyes slid shut, trapping her in the world of bad dreams and memories of hell.  
  
Breathe into me and make me real.  
Bring me to life.  
  
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Kikyo stood behind a thicket, one of her reptilian soul-stealers twining around her arm. Her bow and quiver were slung over her shoulders, a painful reminder of her living past. But even more painful was the sight of Inuyasha and that group that he had built up to defeat Naraku. All were basking in the life they had been given, smiling and laughing as Kagome attempted to teach them all a game involving a pattern of slapping hands together. Even Inuyasha was trying to hold back a grin, his claws flashing as he tried to keep the beat.  
  
Wake me up inside, wake me up inside.   
Call my name and save me from the dark.  
  
"Why are you laughing for her?" She rubbed the soul-stealers head, grateful that the wind was blowing toward her, concealing her until it chose to stop and allow Inuyasha to find her scent. "I hardly ever saw you so carefree, even when I was alive. But I've seen you two. No matter how annoyed you acted, how pompous..." she grinned sadly.  
  
"...I knew that you were enjoying her company. You've smiled for her. She conquered the demon in your blood. But why her? Why not me?"  
  
Bid my blood to run, before I come undone.   
Save me from the nothing I've become.  
  
She listened as Kagome said, "Okay, let's try this again. Slide, slide, slippery slide. Okay, now one, one, one. Now two-two, two-two...good! You've got it Inuyasha! No Sango, it's palms first. That's right. Miroku, concentrate on your hands, not the rhythm. It'll take care of itself. Good! Okay, Shippo, want a turn?"  
  
Kikyo rolled her hands into fists. "That's my voice. That's my place standing before Inuyasha. What right do you have to take it?" She suddenly stood up straight. She stroked the soul-stealer again, saying softly, "You'd better stay here." Then, she marched out into the open. "Inuyasha!!" Right on cue, the wind reversed direction. "Shadow of me," she called venomously. "Come. I want to talk."  
  
Frozen inside without your touch,   
Without your love, darling.   
Only you are the life among the dead.  
  
The two had looked up very quickly. They hesitantly walked toward her, not liking the finality in her eyes. "Well? It's time for you to choose, Inuyasha. Her or me. Now."  
  
Inuyasha looked around desperately, as if he wanted to run. "Kikyo, please..."  
  
"I've already given you plenty of time. Decide now, or I'll kill you both." She grabbed her bow for emphasis.  
  
"Kikyo. You know that I really loved you fifty-three years ago, but...you're not..." He gestured helplessly, glancing at Kagome.  
  
[All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see   
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me.]  
  
Kikyo caught the look and sighed internally. 'I know what the choice must be then.' "Well?" she asked, voice cutting. "Don't you want me back in your arms?"  
  
"She's right, Inuyasha." Kagome stared at her incarnation bitterly. "You still want her with you, don't you?"  
  
The hanyou looked at both of them. Something seemed to be firming inside him, yet something else was wilting. His golden eyes told it all. Kikyo nodded to herself.  
  
"I... I choose Kagome."  
  
'I thought so.'  
  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems.   
Got to open my eyes to everything.  
  
She slid her bow off her shoulder and drew it smoothly, an arrow nocked into place. Ignoring the looks of panic that all five were exchanging, she reached deep inside to her small, weak soul. She felt it fight her, not wanting to perform the spell. 'Tough luck,' she told it, then violently pulled. It gave.  
  
Gasping, she let a golden light pool around her arrow. 'This one's for you, Inuyasha.' She released, aiming at his heart.  
  
Caught by surprise, he could only stare at the shaft protruding from his chest, the golden light slowly sinking into him. 'Why isn't it bleeding? Why doesn't it hurt? What kind of spell is this?'  
  
[Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul.   
Don't let me die here, there must be something more.]   
Bring me to life.  
  
Kikyo was panting hard, trying not to double over. 'No! I have to complete this spell!' She made a beckoning gesture at her arrow. Inuyasha grunted with pain as a silver glitter flowed down the shaft toward her. She let it wrap around a second arrow before releasing it in Kagome's direction.  
  
"Kagome!"  
  
Before she could dodge, the arrow hit, the light quickly seeping into her chest. "Kikyo!"  
  
All she could do was smile before she collapsed, her body crumbling slowly into a pile of ashes.  
  
"What was that?" Inuyasha turned toward his choice. "Kagome! Are you okay?"  
  
Wake me up inside, wake me up inside.   
Call my name and save me from the dark.  
  
"Yes." She had pulled out the arrow, frowning at her chest where it had hit. "It ripped the fabric, but I just got a scar. There's no wound. That's weird. What do you think that was?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Kagome's eyes suddenly widened. She spun around. "What—"  
  
"What is it?" Inuyasha wrenched out the arrow, noting that only his haori was ripped and he had a scar like Kagome's.  
  
"I can sense you. Except...I feel two of you. One presence is right where you are, and the other is..." She rested her hand right on the scar. "...right here."  
  
"But how is that possible?"  
  
Kagome closed her eyes. "I can sense two of me, too....wait. Maybe Kikyo...she somehow mixed up our souls. She gave my part to you, and gave me part of yours. Maybe it hurt you because she had to take part of your soul, but my part was already separate."  
  
"But that means..."  
  
Bid my blood to run, before I come undone.   
Save me from the nothing I've become.  
  
"It means that she's bonded us to each other. She was...helping us. She accepted your choice. She accepts that we love each other." She suddenly blushed. "I'm sorry! Oh, that was so stupid."  
  
"Why?"  
  
I made the assumption that you love me back. I mean, obviously, Kikyo has to be put to rest. I'm sure you don't want to go to hell," she said quickly and nervously.  
  
He grinned and put a hand on her shoulder. "Why on earth do you think I chose you then? What other reason than love?"  
  
Kagome gasped, then smiled weakly. "Well...that's alright then."  
  
Inside, Inuyasha felt a stirring. He felt something like a request. He closed his eyes, trying to locate it. Suddenly, he was there. Kikyo's face floated on the background of the backs of his eyelids. "Love her well. Love us well."  
  
He nodded. 'I will. I will.'  
  
Bring me to life,   
Bring me to life.


End file.
